Typically at the end of July, I am feeling nervous, anxious and excited as I prepare to head back to the classroom to prepare for another year with my students. This year, my new reality truly set in when those feelings didn't come and my friends started going back to work. This was it...what I have been dreaming of since the moment I found out I was pregnant with Benjamin! While, of course, there are difficult days that leave me wondering why I chose to quit working, I truly do appreciate every puke and poop and toddler-screaming filled moment and wouldn't change it for the world! Though some things are spot on, not everything is quite like I envisioned it would be...
* Freedom! We have been traveling a lot lately and it is even more awesome than I thought it would be to not have to worry about taking days off and black out days and finding a sub and writing sub plans!!!
* Time is not plenty! Seriously, being a working parent is hard...it is so hard to find that balance and to truly enjoy each part of your life and I now have an even greater respect for those that choose to or have to work. I figured I would have a ton of time to cook healthy meals, keep the house spotless, do frequent blog posts (!!), catch up on all the projects I have been wanting to do, start a garden, etc. etc. But after I am done feeding mouths, wiping butts, playing Cars and reading Boom Chicka Rock for the 8th time today, I realize I spend my time much differently than expected...and love every second of it!
* All glamour is gone! Well, not all of it...but my idea of dressing up cute and looking pretty for my husband every day is gone. Most days I am happy if I can make it to bedtime without being spit-up on...which I swear happens right after I get out of the shower and leaves me with no intention to reshower! When I do get dressed in something other than gym shorts and a sports bra to leave the house, I am still mindful that what I wear is easy to nurse Carson in public. And that's another thing - I always pumped to feed Ben in public and if I did have to nurse, I used an uncomfortable (for both of us!) cover that was often left exposing anyway. I have either lost inhibition or care - or both! - and feed Carson when he is hungry. Though I do sit in an inconspicuous spot and leave myself as covered as possible, we are all much happier this way!
* I still feel guilty to put myself in my line of priorities. Okay - I am getting way better with this, especially in the past few weeks because I am realizing that I still need to be me to be the best wife, mom and ME that I can be! I am learning that it is okay to take time away from the boys, even during their waking hours, to do things that are important to me! Greg is helping me to move away from the feeling that since it is now "my job" to take care of the kids, I am on 100% of the time. And while most days that's true, Greg is encouraging me to take time to myself and that he and the boys are going to be just fine without me! Which leads me to...
* Greg's help is different and good enough. Anyone who knows me knows that I can be a bit anal and slightly compulsive. So I like things done a certain way, so what? The problem is that I will redo things the way I like after Greg's much appreciated effort. In my eyes, I love the help and would rather rearrange the dishes in the dishwasher than have to do all the dishes myself! But does it really matter which shelf the towels are on or which container of baby food Carson eats or which shoes Ben is wearing or how the apple is cut? Whatever! I am learning that it's not done
wrong, it's just done
differently...and that's okay!!
* I still look forward to weekends. I thought every day would be the same and I would never know what day it is, but I have found that I still totally love the weekends. I absolutely love our family time and the fun things we go do when Greg is home! So even though I don't punch a clock on Monday morning, Greg does. And that leaves me looking forward to Friday!
* It's not as lonely as I thought it would be. There are days that I get lonely still, but I get more adult interaction than I expected. Stroller Strides has been huge for this! Classes are offered 5-6 days a week, so it is up to me to get up and moving and out the door. I am pretty good at getting there. It helps that I get to exercise with like-minded, amazing and motivating mommies with my boys in the stroller! I have always been super shy, but I am developing friendships, Ben and Carson get to play with the other kiddos and I am stronger, leaner and feeling better than I have in a really long time!
* I miss working. Well, sort of. I miss seeing some of my co-workers turned friends every day. I miss the excitement when one of my students sees success. I miss being the safe place for that child that feels misunderstood. I miss the sincere thank yous from parents that recognize and truly appreciate the all-to-often thankless job of a special educator. I do not, however, miss the endless paperwork!
* This is the best I have ever felt about myself. And also the worst. Being a parent is hard. Whether you work, don't work, have one, have six (I'm guessing it doesn't get easier, but who knows?), do it with a partner or without (I can't even imagine!!), being a parent is hard. I am critical of myself every single day, but my boys are alive and happy and seemingly doing really well. So I guess Greg and I are doing okay and I'll keep on doing what I think is best and let their growth and progress whittle away my parenting doubts!
All in all, I have to say I am utterly enjoying my new reality!
Here are a few of my favorites from the past few months...
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| Silly boy! |
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| Tubby at his 4 month check-up |
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Ben insisted on wearing these jammies...in AZ...in July.
This is how I found him when I went to check on him. |
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So what if he eats his food like a dog?
At least he's eating! :) |
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| Bathtub photos are always cute! |
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Haha! Shilo walked in on Ben like this - apparently
he's seen mommy a few times... |
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| Bug! |
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| That smile!!! |
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We were at the zoo and Ben wanted to walk until Myles
got in his seat. Logically he sat on his lap! It worked! |
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| When is a naked butt in daddy's shoes not cute? |
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| Love the eyebrow with the snarled lip! |
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Captain America dad and son drumming it up at the
Phoenix Children's Museum. |
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| Ben loves his "Bill Bill Bill"! |
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| Boobies! Perfect smile...haha!! |
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Does every kid have an underwear on his head photo?
Can you hear him saying "What? Not on my head!" |
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| Stop looking at me frog.... |
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Ben was hesitant at first, but Papa helped him get
comfortable and he loved the birds at the Albuquerque zoo! |
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| Brothers!! |
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| Even he thinks that baby in the mirror is super cute! |
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| CHEEEEESE!!!! |
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Ben laid on Carson's lap and it was super cute...for a
second...until this........ |
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| "MOMMMM!!!" HA! |
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I so love when B wears a hat. And sadly, this is typical
attire around here! |
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| Get 3 cousins under 3 together and this is about the best you get for photos! |
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| Man I love this boy!! |
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| I am one seriously lucky gal!! |
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| Grama loves her boys! |
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| Those eyes!!! Love!!! |
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I love this photo! Daddy was leaving for work and B made him stop and
take this photo. Just a typical day in my crazy amazing world! |
