Child Care Woes

How in the heck does one decide on a day care provider for their child?? If you had asked me 10 years ago, I would have laughed if I were asked to be a stay-at-home mother.  I was advancing in the ranks at my job and thoroughly enjoying my generously increasing salary and new found independence.  Why would I want to give that up?  My, how things have changed. Since spending the past 14 weeks (minus that one week I had to go back to work...thanks mom, for making that easier on me!!) with our son, I am already getting anxious thinking about leaving him with someone in 6 weeks. Yes, I get to spend the next several weeks at home still and I couldn't be more thankful. So not only do I not want to look for day care, but who is good enough? Who gets to see our little man sit up, crawl, walk, say his first word? Will they be as excited for him as I want them to be? Will they feed him and change him and hug him and love him? Probably, but no one can do it better than me!

Unfortunately, society has evolved to a two-income standard of living.  We could probably make it work on Greg's income alone, but that's not fair to him.  How could I ask him to let me stay home with our son while at the same time substantially decreasing our gross income and increasing the pressure put on him to be the sole provider.  The pros and cons on this one is a difficult list to make! 

But, the contract is signed and back to work I go on July 31.  That is not a day I look forward to, but hopefully we can make the best choice for our son in who we leave him with each day.  I feel like he needs me, but I need to remember that all those kiddos at school need me too!  At least I owe it to them to be fully present and committed to them while I am at work. 

Anyway...enough about that for now. On a happier note, we just got back from a great visit to Minnesota for Greg's niece's high school graduation - congratulations, Mandy!!! Ben did fantastic on the airplane both ways, but he was a little fussy for everyone there. I'm sure it was a difficult adjustment for him, but I wanted the family to meet the little man Ben truly is! I didn't take my camera out nearly as much as I wish I had, but I'm hoping G-ma Dee can help with that! :-)

Happy boy waiting at the airport for his first plane ride!

Ben and daddy at graduation.

Good thing Ben liked the wind, cause there was plenty
of it...obviously!  :-) 

Ben finally let G-ma Dee hold him and he was
completely entertained by his cousin Ryan!

We took our monkey (dubbed Maggie...because he flirts
with her like this!) with us.

Successful airplane ride home...asleep through the landing!

We are off to Florida to see the Dalton (my mom's side) family on Saturday, so wish us happy travels!  I will try to be better with the camera on this trip!

And, here are some current Ben photos. 

Who doesn't practice their Superman pose when they're
butt-naked?  And who doesn't love a cute little baby bum?

Yeah, I'm cool like that!

Ben's new activity gym...he LOVES it!!!

He sure does love his daddy, too.

That sure is one good lookin' kid!!

Wait...so you said I gag myself when I stick my hand
down my throat.  How about if I stick both hands down
my throat?

Whaddya mean I have to wait even longer to see daddy?

I'm a big boy now...

Yeah, this flying stuff is fun, but how am I supposed to
see the fan from this angle?

Happy Ben!

Practicing wearing our sun attire so I won't pull it off
when we go to Florida.

I get to sit up all by myself?

He can make it bounce all on his own!!

Rockin' his mullet.  And catching up on his Hells Kitchen.

And the video....enjoying his activity gym and the monkey daddy bought him at the Minneapolis airport.

Celebrating 5 years!!

Excited to be going out on a date!

On May 26, Greg and I celebrated 5 years of marriage! We went to dinner on the Friday before since Grama was still here to babysit! :-) 

Dinner at White Chocolate Grill...yum yum!!

Then Sunday we drove up to our favorite hotel in Prescott to stay a night at The Motor Lodge.  Ben seemed to enjoy the cooler weather and he did great overnight! 

We took a stroll through greenery and had
to stop for Ben to have a snack.

More food on our hotel porch.

Dressed and ready to go!



We got to use the hat we used in the hospital
again...it got chilly at night!!

5 years ago in La Jolla, CA.

Okay - before I go crazy with Ben photos, I want to focus on the 5 years Greg and I have been married. Anniversaries are great because they make you take out time to remember why you love each other (of course, we do that every day anyway...ha!).  As with any relationship of 8 1/2 years, there have definitely been ups and downs, but thankfully the ups far outweigh the downs.  Admittedly, Greg and I haven't always been the best communicators.  With Ben joining our lives, we have committed to better communication and it has worked wonders!!  I not only have a new love for him, but I have only fallen deeper in love with him.  Greg is an amazing husband and father.  He is not only physically, but emotionally strong (thank God, because sometimes he has to be my emotional strength, too!), yet adorably sensitive.  He is witty and sarcastic and above all, he gets me!  He is my best friend, my lover, and I am so thankful to call him my husband! 


Alright - now here are the Ben updates! :-)

Ben's "Alfalfa"

One of my favorites - he can rock that Alfalfa!

L O V E all his facial expressions.

Ben is catching up on his much needed
celebrity gossip with mommy.

Kisses from Abbey. And dad's head in JUST
the right spot to make it look like Ben has a
pompadour...ha!

And kisses from Brew. "Momma, what is
this thing in my face??"

Practicing wearing his sunglasses to get ready
for our Florida trip. Still a little big...

My amazing little man!

He looks like he is sitting in a recliner in his
Bumbo chair!

On the changing table - one of Ben's favorite
places to be...we always get smiles there!

New sign for the nursery. L O V E it!!

First walk at Tempe Town Lake. Not sure
what's going on with my face.  Ben wasn't
sure what to think about the wind. 

"Heyyyy!"

Happy Grama!  Can't wait to see you again!

How can you not love this face??

Haha!

Ben is one happy baby!

Sleepy time!

Although he gags almost every time, he really
wants to get all of those fingers in his mouth.

Ben's first time rolling over!!  A little early, so
not sure if it was a fluke, but he went from his
stomach to his back twice in a row!!!

Daddy sure makes Ben one happy boy!

And the video... probably one only a mother can love, but it's here if you wanna watch!  He was talking like crazy, but he gets so distracted by the camera. I love his eyebrows and facial expressions, though!

Hopeless Mother No More

I celebrated my first Mother's Day yesterday and it was the best feeling in the world!  However, it also made me think about how much more that day really is.  I remember how difficult times have been for the past few years, and I felt like I should share.  It was this time a year ago that I found out one of my best friends was going to have a baby.  While that was extremely exciting news and I truly was thrilled for her, I had uncontrollable feelings of sadness, unfairness and envy.  I was used to flashing the fake "I'm so happy for you" smile every time I found out another person was pregnant, wondering why it wasn't me.  But for her, that wouldn't work.  I lost it.  Luckily she is a fantastic friend and understood my position and gave me the time I needed.  It was last Mother's Day that I was able to wish her a Happy (soon-to-be) Mommy's Day and truly mean it. 

Not too long ago, I snarled every time I saw a pregnant woman, saw a baby announcement or heard a newborn.  I became so jaded, it's sad.  I then got past that and just gave up - I believed it was hopeless that I would ever get to be a mommy.  Then on July 29, 2011, my whole world changed.  In a time that should be so exciting, I was almost scared to share the news!  I didn't want to be the one to cause hurt to the woman who is unsuccessfully trying to get pregnant.  I almost felt like I had to explain to everyone my entire history and how difficult it was for us and how badly Ben was wanted. 

So as happy as my first Mother's Day was, I hold a place in my heart for all those that have not yet gotten to experience that feeling.  I can't make things better for anyone, but I can say I know how it feels and encourage those hopefuls to not lose hope.  The pain now is nothing compared to the joy to come!  I can never explain how thankful I am for my son!! 

Smiles, head bobs and coos...oh my!!

I cannot believe we are at the two month mark already!!  This has gone by WAY too quickly.  Everyone always says time passes too quickly, but I somehow thought that wouldn't apply to me.  Don't get me wrong...I love to see him grow, I just want him to slow it down a bit! ;-) 

ooohhhhh.......look at that fan go!! 

So it's been a pretty mellow couple of weeks, which given our past few prior, is completely welcome!!  Let's see...Benjamin still loves fans.  And he coos while he watches it...and when he looks at mommy...and when daddy comes home!  And his hair has definite tinges of red.  And with less and less 'bobbing' he is getting so good at holding that big 'ol head up!! 

We got a swing...Ben LOVES it!!


He has started to smile...it is AH-mazing!!!! After a rough night of cranking, it is all forgotten after one little flash of that grin. Here is a progression of the first good smile I caught on camera...

First the tongue...(yea...and a mess on the ottoman, but
it is WAY more fun to play with Ben than to clean!)

Then the grin...

Then that amazing smile!! 

Benjamin has been busy...practicing his surfer stance...attending his first live music show...reading lots of books...going on fun walks...and showing off his smiles!

His first shorts that fit him...SOO cute!! 

Can't see the band, but there against the wall behind
my head.  A record store with vinyl...awesome!! 

I'm supposed to be listening to daddy read, but I'd
rather smile at mommy! :-) 

I'm starting to stay awake longer and longer, but that
stroller is so soothing!! 

Ben loves to smile for mommy!

We had our two month check-up. Benjamin is growing fantastically. He is at 12 pounds 5 ounces, 23 inches and a head that is starting to proportion out. (I love you Gregory!) He was so happy before the appointment and had no idea he was going to get shots even though I tried to prepare him. Daddy was able to console him though and then we even went to meet Jonnie for lunch!

When I told him about the doctor, his look said "They're
going to do what?  I don't know about that......"

Sitting in the chair at the doctor all by himself!

At least they have really cool band-aids to help the
kiddos feel better.  Today Ben got Wolverine and Thor!

Happy mommy...happy Ben!

Okay...I have just started taking more video and I have never uploaded one, so we'll see how this goes!  Not a great video, but it's got a smile and some crazy eyebrows... :-) 

 

Now to enjoy my last week of maternity leave!! :-(  I cannot believe 9 weeks have passed already.  I guess I can handle one week of work to make it until summer break..... :-)